


Dumb Blondes

by sunfloweryouth



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Coming to terms with being gay, F/F, LGBT, Lesbian Sex, References to Drugs, lasbian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:12:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunfloweryouth/pseuds/sunfloweryouth
Summary: Sabrina is starting a life on her own. An apartment of her own, a new job, and most importantly quiet. Everything seems to be figured out in her life, until she meets Trixie. Trixie is everything she's ever wanted and the complete opposite of what she wanted at the same time. Now she has to question her life choices, her wants in life and her sexuality. With no time to think, Sabrina has to make some serious life decisions. With so much to gain and so much more to lose, whats a dumb blonde to do?





	1. In Defense of Country Music

The cold air nips at me as I sit on my balcony for my morning smoke. I can't help but groan as someone honks their horn. I'm barely awake at 7:15, who can be that pissed off when there's practically no one awake now anyways. I pinch out the rest of my smoke and go back into my apartment to quickly slap on my makeup and get my clothes on. Its my first day working at this beautiful little music shop that is only a 30 minute walk from my apartment. My Mom was against me moving out at 19, but I felt like I had to. I want to be on my own and most importantly, alone. I value quiet. At home there is almost never a quite or peaceful moment. My Mom has a big heart, and our house is almost like a hotel for people who have nowhere else to stay. Its also like an open bar. My Moms friend, Raven practically lives at our house when they're not working. Its like a revolving door of Raven, Chad, Sharon and Bianca. Even though I've only been in my apartment for a week I enjoy the zen, none of "Is Raja home?" I also wanted to save up some money for university. I know fully that my Mom will pay for my entire education but I want to do my part in it. She's already helping out with my rent each month so I don't want to be too much of a burden on her. When Dad died he left us with a lot of money, but I still want to be able to support myself. Boxes of unpacked things are stacked all around my apartment, but I figured out how to put together an IKEA storage compartment. So I figure that's an accomplishment.

I run into the bathroom, grabbing a scrunchie to pull my blonde hair up into a pony tail. I check my makeup in the mirror before running to the door to throw on my shoes and grab my bag and lunch for the day. I regret not grabbing a jacket about 5 minutes into my walk. The cool September air stings my cheeks and makes my fingers feel numb. I'm extremely thankful for the blast of heated air I get when I push open the shops door. I take a breath looking around at the slightly crowded store. My eyes settle on the girl sitting behind the counter. Shes bent over slightly, writing on some papers. Her huge blonde curls fall over her shoulder and are brushing the counter top, she raises her head to look at me when I walk in. She gives me a bright smile. "Hi there, can I help you with anything?" My mind goes blank and I can't respond, I feel my face heating up slightly. 

"No idiot this is the new girl." I hear the familiar voice of my co-manager say. I look up at Pearl as she walks over from behind a stack of amps. I smile at her gratefully. Pearl waves her hand loosely for me to follow her and I give the blonde girl a smile as I follow her. Her pink lips curl up into a smile at me as I walk away. Pearl shows me around the store and (very) loosely outlines what I'm going to be doing. I try to ask questions, but I think 80% of them go unanswered. She ends the tour by shoving a box filled with music books in my hands and instructing me to put them away. The books are stored on a floor to ceiling shelving unit beside the register. I carry the box over and carefully place it on the floor in front of the shelves. The girl behind the counter finishes ringing up a customer, then turns to me as she crumples up a receipt tossing it in the garbage. 

"Pearls got you putting away books?" She asks.

I nod looking down at the box. "Yeah." She rolls her eyes walking over to stand beside me. 

"I'm Trixie by the way." She says grinning at me. 

"I'm Sabrina." I say smiling. She kneels over, pulling up the books in the box to look at the titles. 

"I like that name, did Pearl tell you how to put these away?" She asks picking up some of the books. When I shake my head she rolls her eyes again "The books are a bit of a mess. One day when its not so busy I want to re organize them. For now just try and put them with their instrument section." She says looking up at the shelf. I lean down and grab some of the books, letting my eyes skim over the labels on the shelves. They're just pieces of masking tape with instrument names written on them in pen. Some of the labels are peeling off slightly, the edges gray with dust and dirt. I look down at the books in my hand.  _MANDOLIN, FOR THE BEGINNER ADULT._

"So where would this one go?" I ask, not being able to find a label with mandolin written on it. She points to a shelf with no label on it. 

"There, someone must of ripped it off. When the manager, Thorgy gets here you'll be better instructed." She says quickly putting away the books in her hands before going to sit behind the register again. 

"Thank you." I say giving her a grin. She opens her mouth to say something back but get interrupted by a customer. 

Time passes quickly. After I finish putting away books Pearl gives me other tasks one after another. Its mostly cleaning, much of which I suspect shes just too lazy to do. I quickly find myself questioning how she became co-manager with the lack of enthusiasm she seems to show for the store. I honestly don't mind doing all the stupid little tasks she gives me. About 3 hours into my shift Thorgy comes into work. I've only met her once when she interviewed me. Shes a tall woman with frizzy dark brown hair tied up in a tall bun loosely. She makes a beeline for the back room in the store giving me a slight wave on her way. I'm kneeling over cleaning off amps in the front of the store when a girl with messy faded blue hair and dark roots opens the door and quickly walks in, hiding behind the amp I'm cleaning. She looks at my uniform and gives me a slight smile. "Is Thorgy here?" She whispers. I look behind me and nod. She groans, "Fuck." 

"Hey, Did Adore come in yet?" Thorgy asks, walking out of the back room and over to Trixie. Trixie looks at me then back at Thorgy. 

"Oh yeah, shes in the basement doing stock. I have a question about the trumpets." Trixie says ushering Throgy towards the back of the store where the band items are. I look back at Adore and she points at a cardboard cut out advertising guitars that are on sale. 

"Casually walk with this over to the basement door." She tells me. I smile at her and grab the cut out. As I walk with it she crawls behind it until we get to the basement door. She quietly pads down the stars before loudly walking up the stairs. "Oh hey Thorgy!" She says waving at her. I take the cut out back to where it was originally placed and Adore gives me a bright smile. 

"New girl, I owe you big time." She says giving me a musical laugh. "I'm Adore." She says extending her hand towards me. 

"Sabrina." I shake her hand and she gives it a tight squeeze. 

***

Three hours later and my feet are killing me. By the time its 5:30 everything hurts. Things are quieting down and I'm thankful to be finishing up my shift in a half hour. Trixie is sitting behind the register typing away on the computer. She smiles at me when I walk up. "How was your first day?" She asks. 

"Painful." I reply after a minute of thinking. I brush the loose hair from my pony tail away from my face. "I think I might just cut off my feet." I say. She snorts at that.

"You'll get used to it." She types some more on the computer before turning back to me. "Maybe if Thorgy is in a good mood we can get her to let us leave early." Trixie says and begins walking to the back of the store and I follow her. Thorgy is on her knees using a box cutter to open some cardboard boxes. "Soo Thorgy. Do you need us to do anything?" Trixie asks leaning against the wall across from Throgy. She looks up and rubs the back of her hand against her forehead. She glances from myself to Trixie and doesn't say anything for a moment. She slowly shakes her head. 

"No I don't. What time is it?" She asks, her forehead crinkles slightly as she thinks. 

"5:30." Trixie says. 

"What time do you two get off?" 

"6." I say. Thorgy stands up and pulls her phone out of her pocket and looks at it for a moment. She waves her hand at us, going back to her boxes. "You guys can go if you want." Trixie looks at me and smiles turning on her heel towards the door. 

"You're welcome." She says as we walk towards the door. The sun is just starting to set when we get outside, Trixie waves to me as she walks in the opposite of me. I watch her go and I can't help but feel like I just want to talk to her for hours. 

***

I feel like death for the entire next week. My feet only seem to get worse as the days go on. I'm thankful when I walk into work and Thorgy informs me that Trixie is going to train me on cash. That means I'll get to sit down, and talk to Trixie. 

 _Why are you so excited?_ I shake my head clear as I walk from the back of the store to the front where the cash is.  _She's just a cool person that you want to get to know better. That's all._ I tell myself as I lean against the counter, watching Trixie ring up a customer buying a music stand. She looks at me and grins. 

"I've been informed that I'm training you on cash today?" She says running her pink nails against the side of the computer. I nod moving to stand beside her. Pearl is stocking books beside us and I notice her give Trixie a look, which Trixie promptly ignores. She begins to tell me how to log in, ring up an item and pull up customer profiles. "You try." She says standing up to let me sit down. I sit, painfully aware of how close she is to me. Her hair tickles the back of my neck and her fingers brush my shoulder from where they're curled around the back of the seat. I log into my account and try to make my way around the computer. I go to open the customer profiles file and go to hit okay on a pop up. "Oh, wait." Trixie says, her voice is slightly deeper than usual. She puts her hand over mine and moves the mouse over to hit 'no'. My hand tingles when she moves hers. I bite my lip then clear my throat. 

"Thanks." I say, praying that my voice wasn't as high as I thought it was. A woman with a small child clinging on to her jacket comes up to the register holding an assortment of music books in her arms. Trixie pats my shoulder once before stepping back. I ring her up trying not to let Trixie staring at me rattle me any. When the woman leaves I turn around to Trixie. "How did I do?" She grins and pats my shoulder again. 

"Like a true natural." She laughs slightly. Pearl suddenly drops a cardboard box on the counter in front of me. 

"Are you done learning how to do cash? Because we have these amp cords that need to go away." She says leaning against the counter. Trixie narrows her eyes at her and Pearl rolls her eyes. I shrug and get out of the seat, picking up the box and going to the back of the store to put away the cords. I glance back at the front of the store and watch Trixie reach across the counter to slap Pearl on the arm. I look away quickly, feeling my face heat up. 

I'm extremely thankful when Pearl tells me I can take a break. I go out to the back alley and light up a cigarette and sit down against the building. I deeply inhale, tilting my head up to release my breath towards the sky. I look down at  the cracked concrete. The cracks have weeds and grass growing in them and cigarette butts litter the ground at various levels of decay. I bring my knees up to my chest and look at the graffiti on the building across from me. I look up when the door opens. Pearl walks out and raises her eyebrow at me as she lights up a smoke herself. "Are you even 18? You look 16." She says sitting on the concrete stairs leading up to the back door of the shop. 

"Yeah I'm 19, I'm turning 20 next month." I say and Pearl nods her head. I look up at the gray sky and rub my hands on my arms, which are covered in goose bumps.  "How long have you been working here?" I ask, trying to fill the silence. 

"2 years maybe, too long." Pearl says shrugging as she taps her ashes onto the ground. I nod as I feel myself starting to shiver. 

"Dang man its cold out here." I say taking another drag, trying to finish my smoke so I can go back inside and maybe spend the rest of my break talking to Trixie.  _I just want to get to know her more, shes a cool person. A friend._ I tell myself. 

"Yeah, thats why I have a jacket on." She says blandly. I give a slight laugh and stand up and throw my smoke down, stepping on it to put it out. 

"I'm going back in, I'll remember to bring a jacket tomorrow." I say walking up the stairs and push the door open. I walk from the back room out into the showroom and give Trixie a smile. "Its so cold outside." I say walking up to the counter to lean against it. "My hands are freezing." 

"Yeah winter is coming to bite us in the butt." She says reaching her hands out to cup mine. My heart begins to race and butterflies go crazy in my stomach. "Your hands are freezing!" She says laughing, rubbing my hands slightly in an attempt to warm them up. Thorgy walks into the showroom and Trixie lets go of my hands.

"Thank you." I smile. 

"Hey Sabrina, we got a new drum kit in today and I'm going to show you how to put it together." Thorgy says before taking off to the back of the store. 

***

I end up finishing my shift almost an hour after when I'm supposed to. Its dark by the time I get to leave, and colder. I stand outside of the front door of the store and look down the road as Trixie walks out behind me, pulling on her pink jacket. She buzzes her lips. "It is cold." She says standing beside me. "Do you have to walk home?" She asks me. 

"Yeah I do, its only a 30 minute walk though." I give her a smile. 

"Where do you live?" She asks. I tell her and she shakes her head at me. "Oh honey no, I'll drive you home."

"Oh you don't have to go to the trouble." I say. 

"No no, I don't want something to happen to you. Its dark out." She says gesturing for me to follow her as she walks away. I follow her, getting those butterflies in my stomach again. We walk into the back parking lot where she leads me to a small white car. It smells like candy on the inside and the seat covers are all pink. "They wouldn't sell me a pink car." She says. I laugh, quickly regretting the ugly snort that I make. Trixie looks at me, giving me that cute uneven smile.  _Cute? No, um- not that._ I focus on the barbie car freshener hanging off the review mirror. Trixie turns on the car and lets it warm up. 

"I'll have to remember to bring a jacket with me tomorrow." I say reaching to grab the seat belt. 

"Oh wait, here." Trixie leans over into the back seat, grabbing a fluffy pink sweater and she hands it to me. I hold it out in front of me and laugh again, being careful not to snort again.

"Of course its pink, thank you." I smile at her, pulling the sweater on. 

"You're welcome doll." She grins at me, putting the car into gear and she drives me home. The ride doesn't last as long as I'd like it to, I can't help but love hearing her hum along to some country song on the radio. I don't like country, but Trixie makes it bearable. In fact, almost enjoyable. She drops me off in front of my apartment and I wave goodbye to her. I watch her car drive away with a goofy smile on my face, before snapping out of it and walking into my apartment building. I walk into my apartment and begin the process of taking off my shoes and all my jewelry.  I sit on my bed and stare out my window, my mind is racing. I stand up and make myself dinner and get read for bed. My mind keeps going back to Trixie. _You've only known this girl for just over a week. Stop being such a fucking weirdo._ By the time I get to bed I still can't stop thinking about her. I turn onto my back and sigh,  _Think about this tomorrow. You need sleep right now. Just sleep._

***

It's Friday morning and I get to come in later than I usually would. I take my time getting ready in the morning, doing my hair and makeup and making myself a smoothie. I grab Trixies sweater before I leave. I bring it to my face and inhale. The sweater smells sickeningly sweet and a huge smile crosses my face. I look at my jacket hanging on the hook I made my Mom put on the back of my door. Its a warm forest green jacket with what used to be white fur lining the sleeves hood and bottom of the jacket. I grab it and pull it on. It smells like my old perfume and smoke. 

When I get into the store Trixie is knelt down organizing plastic packages of guitar picks onto hooks. She looks over at me and gives me a lop sided grin. I approach her and hold out her sweater. "I remembered it." I smile as she takes it from me. 

"Thank you." her hand brushes mine slightly as she takes it from me. My heart skips again. I quickly make my way to the back room and I'm thankful to see no one back there. I decide I need to distance myself from Trixie a little bit for the day. I spend a lot of time in the basement organizing stuff and doing stock. Thorgy had no objections to me doing so, so I waste a couple hours doing that. By the time its closing, I'm faced with the dark cold streets, and Trixie. I'm pulling on my jacket standing at the door when Trixie walks up beside me. 

"I'll give you a ride home again, girl." She grins, jingling her keys at me. 

"Thank you." I say without thinking. She pushes open the door and we walk towards her car. 

"I could really go for some coffee." She proclaims as she unlocks the car and slides in. "Do you want to go and get some coffee?" She asks as she turns on the car to let it warm up. 

"Yeah sure that sounds great, where were you thinking?" I ask her, turning my body slightly to look at her, noticing how cute her nose is.  _No_. I quickly look away. She tells me the name of the coffee shop as she puts the car into gear and pulls out of the parking lot. She turns on country again, but thankfully its only a couple minute drive. Because its late at night the coffee shop is almost empty besides an old couple sitting at a table beside the front window. A tall girl is standing behind a glass display holding baked goods. She has a striking sharp face, a pronounced nose and a gap in her teeth when she smiles. Her messy blonde hair is pulled up into a bun with a hair net pulled over it. As I walk up to the counter I see that her name tag reads "Milk", which I think is probably a joke. I order myself a tea, not liking coffee much personally. Trixie orders right after I do, looking at me and insisting that she pays.

"Go sit down and I'll bring our drinks over." Trixie says, her hand brushes mine lightly. I nod, thankful to step away to collect my thoughts. I find a booth in the corner and sit down, putting my bag in the seat beside me. I watch Trixie as she balances the drinks in her hands with her keys and wallet as she walks over to the table and sets the drinks on it. She sits across from me and takes a sip of her drink. I raise my eyebrows when I see what shes holding. 

"What the fuck is that?" I ask looking at the gross amount of whipped cream on it. She laughs and holds it out to me. 

"Try it." She says. I look at the pink lip stick surrounding the straw and I can't help but roll my eyes, doing as I'm told and taking a sip. I'm bombarded by a wave of what appears to be pure sugar with a small trace of coffee in it. 

"Oh." I say trying not to let my face cringe. She cocks her eyebrow at me and snorts. I push it back to her. "Its- good." I say, a little more strained than I intended. 

"You don't have to lie, I know its a lot." She says. 

"What is in there?" I say, cleansing my pallet with my tea. "Literally every single sugary thing they have behind the counter?" This makes Trixie snort laugh as she moves her hand to rest on mine, squeezing it tightly. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. We talk about our pasts for a while, high school mostly. Too quickly we have to leave and Trixie drives me home.

I gather my things as we stop in front of my building. Trixie turns down the radio as she puts the car into park. "What are you doing this weekend?" She asks moving her hair behind her shoulder. 

"Nothing yet. If nothing comes up unpacking probably." I say zipping up my jacket in anticipation of the cold. Trixie moves her hand to rest on my seat, her pink nail runs along the stitching on the seat. I get goosebumps, but I think its just because I'm cold. 

"Well I was going to go to a get together, but I can't find anyone to go with me-" She says biting her lip slightly. 

"Oh, well I hope you can find someone." I say unbuckling my seat belt and opening the door. "Thank you for diving me, see you around." I say giving her a smile. 

"Oh- okay. Bye Sabrina." She says, moving her hands back onto the steering wheel. I shut the door and walk into my apartment quickly, feeling warm and fuzzy. I walk into the elevator and push my floor button. Then it hits me.  _Oh my god  she was asking me to go with her. Oh my god oh my god oh my god._ How could I be that dense. My mind races and my hands start to shake slightly. I'm literally so fucking stupid. She probably thinks I'm so rude.  _I should just quit honestly. I'm such a mess. She makes me such a mess._ Why does she make me such a mess. Its not like I'm gay or anything.  _Are you though?_ No, I'm really not. I- I don't think so. I've dated boys in the past, but it never did quite feel natural. I always just thought I needed to find the right guy. Now that I think about it, none of the guys I dated made me feel as fuzzy and warm as Trixie does. I lean against the elevator wall and close my eyes for a moment.  _What would it be like to kiss her?_ I let that thought float through my mind. When the elevator stops and the doors slide open I decide it would be nice. Then I think about how dense and stupid I was earlier and I want to throw myself out the window and onto the ground. As soon as I get into my apartment I throw my bag on the ground and take off my shoes, dashing to my lap top. I sit there for a moment looking at the blank google screen before slowly typing in "How to tell if you're gay?" Before quickly correcting it to "Bisexual." After about 10 minutes of looking around with no sufficient results, I go back to a blank google screen. "How to tell if you're a lesbian?" 

I quickly find myself watching a lesbian porn video, which I find myself interested in. Not in a sexual way, exactly, but infatuated by the way the two women touch each other. How natural it looks, how their bodies seem to work together. I click off the porn video and pass through some blog posts about lesbianism. I eventually close my laptop and go to my kitchen to get myself a glass of water. I lean against the counter and run my fingers through my hair and close my eyes.  _What even am I?_ I can't answer that question anymore. I rethink my entire life, I've never thought about this before.  _Your high school didn't have much of a gay community._ Well thats true. The only girl at my high school that openly was a lesbian was what I could only compare to as a bridge troll. Poor hygiene, unhealthy anime obsession and a little too handsy with other girls. I decide I just need to sleep. Stop thinking about this for a while. Forget for a while. This is one time when I wish I was still friends with the pot heads at my school. I end up taking a night time Tylenol in order to make myself fall asleep. I can't stop thinking about her though.   

 


	2. This is how its supposed to be

Sometimes it feels like I'm not alive. Like I'm just floating through life and I'm slowly drifting down hill and I can't stop myself from hitting the bottom. People don't stick to me. I literally can't think of one person I could call to hang out with anymore. My apartment is so quiet, the only sounds are the cars outside and the hum of the furnace. I try to imagine what my moms house would be like. Its 9am, so quiet for now. In another hour though it will be loud with people banging around, laughing, playing music and making breakfast. One of my moms friends would usually force me into doing something with them, I do miss that. I walk to my balcony door, debating if its too cold or not to take a smoke outside. I grab a blanket from my couch and wrap it around my shoulders. I compromise with myself by sitting in the doorway, smoking as quickly as I can so that I don't let too much heat out of the apartment. When I'm done I get up and look around my apartment at all the boxes I haven't unpacked yet. Then it hits me. Trixie. _Oh fuck I hate myself_ . I shake those thoughts away and get busy with unpacking my apartment. 

***

Butterflies fill my stomach as I walk to work.  _Trixie must think I don't like her._ This isn't a new thought for me. Its something I've mulled over a lot since what happened with Trixie on Friday. I hesitate on the street where I know no one can see me from the store and try to mentally prepare myself to walk into the shop. I feel like I'm almost putting my mind on auto pilot as I walk in and get ready for my shift. As I turn the corner to go into the back room looking down at my phone I bump into someone, I begin to mumble "Sorry," when I'm hit with a wave of sickeningly sweet perfume.  _Trixie, of course._   "Oh, Hey!" I say, my voice is a little too high. She puts her hand on my shoulder and gives me a big grin. 

"Hey you." She says tightening her grip on my shoulder slightly to not let me go. 

"How are you." I ask running my fingers through my hair and trying to not let my face go red. 

"I'm super." She says moving her weight onto one leg with a sort of bounce.  _That was too damn cute_. "How was your weekend?" She asks letting her hand run from my shoulder to my elbow. 

"It was alright, got my apartment mostly unpacked." I say trying to keep my composure, painfully aware of Trixies nails running lightly against my forearm. 

"Cute, you're going to have to show me around sometime." She says giggling slightly. 

"Of course." I say without thinking. "How was your weekend?" 

"So boring." She says dramatically sighing. 

"Oh," I say looking around to avoid her eyes. I gesture slightly behind her, "I'm gonna go put my things in the back." I give her a nod as she moves over slightly to let me by. Her expression is untraceable. 

I make a promise to myself to not be so completely dense to do whatever Trixie asks me to do next.  _If she asks you to do anything again._  

*** 

September quickly ends and October seems to fly by. I'm laying in bed at 3AM on a Thursday night when I realize its my birthday tomorrow. I'm filled with a flood of panic before I decide there is nothing I can do about It and that I just need to sleep. 

I'm awoken not by my alarm but by my phone frantically buzzing beside my head. I turn my head to look at my phone but its stopped ringing. Seconds later it begins to ring again. I answer it, my eyes not adjusted and mumble a half alive "Hello?" as I begin to wake myself up. 

"Happy Birthday!" Several voices say, nowhere close to being in unison at all. My Moms is louder than all the rest.

"Thanks." I say sitting up and clearing my voice. 

"Just waking up?" Raven asks. 

"Yeah, I have a later shift today so I was catching up on sleep. What time is it?" I ask as it slowly clicks that they don't get up until late morning. 

"You're working on your birthday?" My mom asks, sounding slightly concerned. 

"Yeah, one of the girls I work with is going to another job interview so I took her shift." I say swinging my legs over my bed and walking into my kitchen to look at the time on my microwave. Adore was trying to get a gig working with a pretty big performer, Alaska. Another thing she 'owes me big time' for. Its 12:30. I wasn't going to get up for another half hour so I don't mind. 

"Raja, you raised a good girl. I would of told that girl to go fuck herself." Sharon says laughing. 

"I'm insanely proud of you." Mom says. 

"Oh me too honey." I hear Chad say in the background. 

"Got any fun plans? Are you coming to see us after your shift?" Raven asks. I didn't even consider going to see my Mom, as horrible as that sounds. 

"Not really honestly. I was just going to come home and unpack more, maybe go and get groceries later on." I say as I walk back into my room and start throwing my clothes for the day onto my bed. 

"Oh that sounds boring." Sharon says. 

"Yeah come see us baby!" Chad says sounding close this time. 

"Oh I don't know, its a long drive and I don't have much gas in my car." I say getting dressed with one hand. 

"I'll pay for your gas for God sake girl. Come see your favorite people!" Sharon says.

"Favorite drunk people." I correct her. "I'm getting done work late tonight so I don't think I'll make it tonight. Does Tomorrow work?" I ask, truthfully I'm not prepared mentally for that kind of energy all at once after my month or so of quiet. I can't get a straight answer out of them as they banter back and forth about what they're doing tomorrow. 

"Okay okay listen, I love you mom but I've got to get ready for work. I'll call you guys later, okay?" I say, waiting to hear my Mom give me a flood of happy birthdays and I love yous before I hang up. Its so quiet in my apartment again that my ears almost ring. I put some music on to alleviate that. My bassoon case catches my eye and I can't help but feel a pang of guilt. Its been almost three months since I've touched the thing and I'm sure my technical skills are diminishing with every minute. Bassoon wasn't my first instrument choice, but I quickly grew so love it so much that I changed my mind and set myself up to go to university for it. Performance and music theory for the bassoon, that made Bianca laugh hard. I make a promise to myself to play again this weekend.

I get ready faster than I intended and I don't want to sit home alone with my thoughts again so I decide I'll take a different rout to work. I make sure to grab my coat, a scarf and my earbuds to listen to music. The air is crisp outside and the road my building is on is slightly busy with people rushing around. It looks like its been raining recently, with the pavement darkened and the cool air heavy with moisture. I usually take the main road to get to work the quickest but  walking away from the main road and down a couple blocks leaves me on a more residential road that (according to my phone) will still lead me to the store. The houses are big and old, their gardens are filled with wilting summer flowers and orange yellow leaves. Wet leaves plaster the sidewalk and get stuck to my shoes as I walk and big fat water droplets fall off the overhanging trees as I walk by. Its so calm here, only the distant sounds of cars coming from the main road can be herd from this street. I put in my earbuds and turn on my music, my ears are met with the melodramatic hum of [Ben Howard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF9ijspj3l4). The big houses eventually taper off into to more lower class small houses. Kids toys that look like they've never been taken inside litter the yards and junk of all sorts are stored along the houses. People sit on their porches with peeling paint and smoke, some watching a small child or dog run around in their yard. I make a turn back towards the main road cutting through alley ways lined with garbage and graffiti. I get to work right when I'm supposed to. I feel refreshed and my head clear from my walk. My head feels fuzzy when I see Trixie leaning over the main counter checking a shipment box full of music books.  _Damn._ She looks confused when she sees me. 

"Oh wow, I thought you weren't working today." She says. 

"I'm taking Adores shift." I say loosening and taking off my scarf, lightly touching my warm hands to my cold cheeks. 

"You're more of a saint than I am." She says dryly putting the stack of books back into the cardboard box they came in. The store is empty, unusual for a Friday. 

"Busy?" I ask unzipping my jacket. 

"Dead. There's some sort of food festival down a couple blocks from here that everyone must be at." She says rolling her eyes slightly before following me to the back room. Trixie leans against the wall across from me and watches me take off my coat and put on my name tag. 

"Who else is working today?" 

"Pearl left before you got here and Thorgy is at a business meeting." Trixie says. I can't imagine what kind of outfit Thorgy would wear to a business meeting. 

"Sounds like a blast." 

The day flys by surprisingly quickly considering the lack of people coming into the store. Trixie closes the store a half an hour early and we clean up around the store. I'm vacuuming the floor rugs when I feel a hand on my shoulder followed by a wave of Trixies perfume. I turn off the vacuum and turn around to face Trixie. 

"The rugs look good, do you want to get going?" She says her hand still on my shoulder. I nod quickly putting away the vacuum and getting my jacket. I step out onto the sidewalk in front of the store and Trixie locks the door behind us. I walk with her to her car, its become a routine almost too quickly that I get rides with Trixie. "I want to take you somewhere." Trixie says when we get in the car. My Mom passes through my thoughts but I agree anyways. 

"I'd love to, where are we going?" I ask as I pull my seat belt on. 

"Its a surprise." She says before pulling out of the parking lot, not letting her car warm up. Its completely dark at 9 and the city lights cast an unhealthy yellow glow over everything, but Trixie seems to flourish in it. I'm rudely pulled out of my daze of watching Trixie by my phone buzzing. Its my Mom, shit. Trixie looks at me and raises an eyebrow. 

"Its my Mom, I'm sorry I have to take it." I say turning off her music before answering my moms call. "Hello?" 

"Sabrina! Baby when are you getting here?" my Mom asks loudly over a lot of background noise. 

"Hey Mom, I'm sorry I'm not going to be coming over tonight. I'll drive over tomorrow." I say running a hand through my hair to move it from my face. 

"Awh I really wanted to see my baby on her birthday! You only turn 20 once in your life darling." She says before shushing the people in the background. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you okay?" I say wanting to end the conversation, as horrible as that is. 

"Fine. I love you too, you better be over her early tomorrow then." She says sighing dramatically. 

"Okay, bye Mom." I hang up the phone and slip it back in to my pocket. "Sorry about that." I say giving Trixie a smile.

"Girl its your birthday?" She asks a smile on her lips. 

"Yeah,"  I laugh slightly. 

"Well happy birthday!" She says her hand moves to rub my knee lightly. It sends tingles through my body. 

"Thank you," 

"Change of plans then, I have somewhere special I want you to see." She says throwing the car into reverse to make a U-turn, changing our rout to head out of town. 

*** 

We're driving through the outskirts of town about a half an hour later. We stop at what looks to be an abandoned building. Trixie turns off the car and pops the trunk. "We're here." She proclaims before getting out of the car. Every single murder show flashes through my mind as I get out of the car. My stomach is a  flurry of nerves but the crisp air seems to calm me slightly. Its just cold enough to be able to see my breath in the light of the moon, but not cold enough for it to be bothersome. I walk around to the back of the car to see Trixie pulling out a thick blanket and a plush looking pillow. She hands me the pillow. "Come on," She says extending her hand to me. I take it and she squeezes my hand tightly. She uses her phone flashlight to guide us through the crumbling building. Thankfully I don't see any homeless people or signs of other people in the building. We seem to climb an endless amount of stairs.

"Oh my god Trix, I'm so fucking out of shape." I say by the forth flight of stairs. She laughs and pulls my hand to the next flight. 

"Only three more, its so worth it I promise." She insists pulling my hand again. I groan but follow her. Only Trixie Mattel could make me listen to country music and like it and make me want to scale seven flights of stairs. Only her. By the time we get the the seventh floor my legs feel like jelly. We climb over an abandoned desk pushed against an open door that leads to the roof of the building. The wind catches my hair as we step on the roof and I can tell why Trixie brought me here, the dazzling display of millions of stars scattering the sky. 

"Oh wow." I say looking up, her hand squeezes mine. 

"Right?" She says stepping closer to me. She then lays out the blanket on the ground and puts the pillow on it. She sits on the blanket and pats the spot beside her. I sit close to her, thankful for how warm she is. 

"How did you find this place?" I ask, unable to take my eyes off the sky. 

"I used to come here a lot when I was a teenager to get away from my stepdad." She sounds distant. I look at her and shes staring off into the distance. 

"Was it bad?" I ask, letting my hand rest on her knee. She nods silently. "I'm sorry." I say quietly, carefully watching her face. She looks back at me and shrugs. 

"I got out of there. I'm doing something with my life, thats whats important." she says her hand moves to wrap around my waist, pulling me closer.  _Why does this feel so... right._ My head is spinning. 

"Well I'm glad that you we're able to get away. You've become someone magnificent." I say watching her carefully. She smiles at me. 

"Me too. I'm glad you think so." She says, drawing circles on my back with her index finger, sending shivers through my body. She laughs slightly tightening her grip on me. "Cold?" She asks. 

"A little." 

"Lay back then." She says leaning back herself so her head falls on the pillow, her blonde curls seem to catch the moonlight and shine like the stars she brought me to see. I lay down with her, resting my head on her inner bicep. I look up at the stars, watching them twinkle in and out of vision and the occasional airplane lights blink overhead. "Better?" She asks looking up at the stars above. 

"Yes, thank you." I say. My heart is beating fast, but hers is steady and calm.  _This feels so right because this is how its supposed to be._  

***

Its late by the time we get to my apartment, one in the morning or so. I can't keep a hold of the time. "Its really late," Trixie says thumbing over the steering wheel. 

It clicks.  _Wake up Sabrina._

"Well, if you want to stay the night you're welcome to." I say biting my lip. 

"That would be nice." She smiles at me turning off the car. Its not until we're in the elevator going up to my floor that my mind begins to race with how messy my apartment must be. Trixie probably has such a clean apartment, everything organized. I pray to a God I don't believe in that I didn't leave anything embarrassing out. As soon as I open my apartment door I'm so painfully aware of how much my apartment smells like smoke, a strong juxtaposition to how sweet Trixie smells. 

"Sorry about the mess." I say turning on the lights. Its not as bad as I would of thought. 

"Oh don't worry, you have a cute apartment." Trixie says kicking off her shoes at the door.  

"Thank you, I'm still moving in." I say throwing my coat over the back of my couch. "Are you tired or do you want a drink and watch a movie?" I ask trying to not visibly shake. 

"A drink sounds wonderful, aren't you only 20 though?" Trixie asks with a smirk. I grin and put a finger to my lips. 

"No one has to know Miss Trixie Mattel." I say walking into the kitchen to get the bottle of pink sparkling wine my Mom had gotten for me when I moved into my apartment along with two glasses. I hold it out to her and she snorts. 

"You really are 20." She opens it and pours both of us a glass. I take a sip and wink at her. 

"At least I'm not almost 30." I retort, laughing at the facial expression she gets. 

"Thats cute. I'm 28. Not 30." She says taking another drink. 

"Right whatever you say," I grin at her. "Established." I say after a moment putting my hand on her bicep as I laugh. I walk over to my Tv and flick it on before going to Netflix. 

"What do you want to watch?" I look back at Trixie and her cheeks look pinker than usual, maybe I'm imagining it. We end up settling on _That 70's Show_ but talk through the entire thing. I barely realize how much I've drank and how close we are, our legs tangled together and our faces close as we talk. 

"Can I ask you something?" Trixie ask suddenly getting a tight grip on my elbow. 

"Yeah shoot." 

"Have you ever been with a woman before?" That question hangs in the air for a second as I process it. 

"No," 

"Have you ever wanted to be?" She keeps intense eye contact with me. 

"I- I don't know Trixie. I guess I haven't thought about that before." I lie. I've thought about being with a woman so many times lately, and it's all because of Trixie. 

"Do you want to try?" 

My heart quickly picks up pace until I can hear it in my ears. The warm fuzzy feeling I had is gone and all that's left is a hot-cold sweat and butterflies in my stomach. 

"I, um I don't know." I say as Trixie puts her hand on my lower back sending a shiver through my body. She pulls me more on to her lap her face very close to my face. 

"Maybe I can hep you decide." She whispers. With no time for me to process what she said her lips lightly press against mine.  _Oh._ I move my hand onto her shoulder and she pulls my body against hers. She kisses me deeper her hands on my waist. Her hands move to my ass and I feel her smile against my lips. My slow brain begins to process whats actually happening. This is so different, nothing like how its been when I've been with guys. When I've been with boys its felt uncomfortable. The feeling of coarse facial hair and hard angles. With Trixie everything is soft, her body against me and her lips are big and plush, slightly sticky from her lipstick which I no doubt have all over and around my mouth. She pushes me off her gently and stands up, her hands intertwined with mine. We stumble to my open bedroom door and she pushes me onto the bed. The shock of the cool sheets pulls my mind back down to earth. I feel those butterflies go wild in my stomach again and my heart beat picks up again. Trixie begins kissing my neck but it feels like shes miles away from me right now. I push myself up and away slightly from Trixie. 

"I'm going to go to the bathroom." I say my heart beating in my ears. 

"Don't be long." Trixie says laying back on my bed, her hair falling around her face. I quickly make my way to the bathroom and lock myself in. My lips are covered in a healthy amount of pink lipstick and my hair is a mess. I use a makeup wipe to take off the lip stick off my face and I can't understand why I feel so weird about this situation. Part of me wants to go right back to Trixie and see where things go. Another part of me wants to run out my apartment door and go home. I sit on the edge of my bathtub and try to gather myself. I calm my breathing and after a couple minutes I walk out the bathroom door. I stand in the door way and look at Trixie, waiting for her to notice me. When she doesn't after about 10 seconds I walk over to the bed and kneel down beside Trixie. Shes sleeping. Shes fucking sleeping. I feel my shoulders relax but I can't help but feel a pang of regret for not going farther with Trixie. I throw a blanket onto Trixie and walk into my living room. I turn off the Tv and lay down on my couch. The house is quiet besides the light hum of the heating. I'm eventually able to turn off my mind and fall sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. So its been over a month, but its finally here! I've been swamped with work lately and being sick has allowed me to actually put some love into this fic I've started. Please leave your thoughts, I'd love some critique! Thanks for giving this a read <3

**Author's Note:**

> Just another shameless self-indulging fanfic, don't mind me.  
> Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! I want to get better at writing and any sort of critique is so very welcome <3


End file.
